The Apprentice Series 7, BBC One/ You're Fired, BBC Two

Oh joy upon joys, as The Apprentice returns. Those of you who watch while playing a drinking game in which you imbibe every time a cliché or preposterous, bombastic or ridiculously inflated statement is uttered will have to check in your livers again sometime soon, but I’m delighted to say that this new series allows another permutation of the game - have a glug every time you can spot the person who has watched every second of the previous six series but Hasn’t Learnt a Damned Thing.

And so last night, accountant Edward Hunter weighed straight in as project manager on the first task. PM is always a precarious position but first in is often first out, as a number of the starting line-ups could attest. But Ed led the boys’ team, Logic, putting himself forward when wisely no one else offered, even allowing for a sort-of, maybe, perhaps, possibly, half-hearted effort from Liverpudlian managing director Gavin Winstanley, who is one to watch out for; he is cleverly playing the game both ways from day one, undermining Ed to colleagues and cameras alike while quietly doing enough to impress the guvnor. Ed clearly had issues with accountants’ boring image, fantastically describing himself as a “wheeler dealer” and hectoring everybody in shouting distance, while being singularly unable to identify what an orange looked like.

The major change in this series is that Lord Sugar is not looking for an employee; this time he plans to give the winner £250,000 to set up a business in equal partnership with him so is searching for real entrepreneurial skill, rather than the bluffing salesmanship that has carried so many contestants through previous series. The rather pedestrian task he set the two teams - divided into girls and boys at this stage - was to spend £250 of his money on “fresh fruit and veg” (as opposed, I imagine, to manky fruit and veg) at London’s New Covent Garden Market and turn them into saleable comestibles.

Heading up the girls’ team, Venture, was the  wonderfully irritating Melody Hossaini, a global consultant who must surely come a cropper any day soon as her care-ful-ly e-nun-ci-a-ted management-speak nonsense irritated all concerned, including Edna Egbarha, a “business psychologist” - no, me neither - to whom she gave responsibility for actually spending the spons. Clearly Melody, unlike Ed, has watched previous series and knows to spread the blame should the task go tits-up. But then again, maybe she hasn’t, because several shots had to be downed as she hilariously bigged herself up as “taught by Al Gore, Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama”. She didn’t say what they taught her, but I’m guessing they tutored her in bullshit, balls and utter bollocks in her vivid imagination and, boy, am I looking forward to Sugar asking her to explain that CV entry in the boardroom, where she is destined to appear very soon.

Both teams - despite one not knowing how make tomato soup and the other making a veggie pasta that looked inedible - turned a profit. I suspect, though, their success had something to do with the fact that viewers have sussed that odd-looking coves pushing crappy “made fresh this morning!” products under their noses with cameras filming might be trying to impress Sugar and his wonderful sidekicks - or “my eyes and ears”, Nick Hewer and Karren Brady. Or maybe they are playing their own version of The Apprentice drinking game in which buying a product from these chumps trumps allcomers.

On The Apprentice: You're Fired immediately after on BBC Two, comic Dara Ó Bríain was back on terrific form, and yet again in this welcoming and jokey environment the loser, Ed, came across as a really nice guy - quick-witted and not egotistical at all, even if he is desperate to do something more interesting than add up figures. I hope he takes on board Sugar’s rare generous parting shot as he left the boardroom: “There is no shame in being an accountant, don’t ever run yourself down.” Disappointment for him, but for the rest of us there’s three months of liver damage to look forward to. Cheers!

• The Apprentice and You’re Fired are on tonight and then each Wednesday until July
• Watch The Apprentice on BBC iPlayer
• Find The Apprentice on Amazon

Watch a clip from The Apprentice